Those Tiny Jealousies

I spoke with a group yesterday and one person was lamenting they hadn’t been able to “overcome” feelings of jealously concerning others good fortune or acquisitions. I told her I gave up trying to manipulate my social conditioning because the manipulation creates a separate self who is attempting to control thoughts and emotions. My thoughts and emotions are not under conscious control, if they were I might be able to change them, but as far as I can tell I’m on the receiving end of thoughts and emotions. The socially conditioned separate self creates immediate reactions concerning feelings and thoughts. It’s not an effective use of time to try to prevent or change the content of those things that are not controllable.

So, when I’m still and attending, I can feel those jealous thoughts and feelings when they appear. And when I notice them, they diminish. They fade when I pay attention to how they feel, and not the thoughts that rise with the feeling. Notice the thoughts or feelings don’t disappear entirely and, in my case because of intense conditioning, never will. (That and I’m not trying to remove anything.) For me, the key is in noticing, not trying to deconstruct feelings or the rising thoughts. Feelings of jealously are deeply connected to feelings of comparison, (I’m not good enough) competition, (I must catch up) anger, sadness, and a feeling of isolation because I don’t have what they have and want the attention. Even if I wanted to live in an ideal and never again feel jealous, I don’t control the rising of thoughts or emotions, and would also need to remove the connected emotions. All things are part of a weave, nothing exists in isolation.

So, I chose to just notice jealousy rising, see that it serves no useful purpose, and watch it diminish. That feels like the appropriate action. Why try to stop feelings or worse try to change them? As long as I notice them when they rise, I will immediately see them start to diminish. I find that’s true for all things that rise in thought and feelings, they fade, on their own, or by attending to the feelings that rise with thoughts.

Take care of you and all you love,

Bryan Wagner

5 thoughts on “Those Tiny Jealousies

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  1. Brilliant Bryan, insightful, I love what you do, as you’ve explained, when you feel jealousy coming along.. Many of us will not feel it or feel “bad” about feeling this way when it has been a big part of our programming. 🙏🏻♥️

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Ditto my friend, it is relieving and also empowering to observe the shenanigans going around in our consciousness.. Watching and observing and also allowing ourselves to feel it… dissolves it into nothingness. Yet our brains have neuroplasticity and we can change our thought patterns, our feelings and our experience when we apply observing for a few months or so. Simple yet so easy to get wrapped into our emotions and stories that go along with those emotions. I’ll note this quote down for you ~ “One is a great deal less anxious if one feels perfectly free to be anxious and the same may be said of guilt.” 🙏🏻♥️🪐

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Yes, indeed it is about the observation of our thoughts and then assessing the feelings they are linked to. When we practice this we become aware of how quickly they come and go as we relate to one another. Your share here is another great example of how meditation teaches us to observe and learn how host to respond, not detach or react. Mindful watching of ourselves around others teaches me more how to show love to myself and share it with others!

    Liked by 3 people

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