Emptiness and Trusting the experience

I went through a series of days feeling empty and the emptiness lent itself to feelings of being detached. Not in negative way, but one that felt neutral, which I often describe as negative. But I’m starting to have a clearer view. Emptiness is not describing being empty, it’s a description of what happens when I abandon paying attention, so detached may be a better and much more relevant term. And, it’s truly not negative or positive, it seems as though it’s more of a self preservation response to life’s unfolding’s. I place myself on hold and stay in the holding pattern while whatever processing needs to take place internally finally aligns and attention is redirected back to the proximity of breath and body.

What’s interesting is my tendency to assign some sort of negative flavor to what may be, and probably is, a healing process. Because the emptiness rises from life and life’s experiences, it’s not a choice but an outcome, an automatic return to a place of peace and turning away from everything for a bit. It’s a life cycle, and so far, has always returned to attention and presence, often with a different perspective than before. A clarity and perhaps a knowing of a tiny piece of life’s unsolvable puzzle.

Life doesn’t always have to be “about something.” Much of life is spent in neutral, a soft gentle space where there’s no drama, excitement, or worries. Perhaps that’s the value of feeling empty, empty can also mean free, how we see our lives and how we respond means more than what is happening. There will always be the bittersweet, how we live in it will define the quality of our lives.

Love what you are able,

Bryan Wagner

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