“Asking for what I need”

Lately I have noticed how ridiculously needy I am. I just noticed how hard that is for a “Mature” (old) male to make that statement. I was socially conditioned to be “independent” whatever that means. Independent always reminds me of the western “Gunslinger” who rides into town, assesses the problem, wipes out the adversaries, gets the love interest, but rides out all alone in the end. I was impressed as a young child and didn’t realize how I was conditioned to think that independent gunslinger role was admirable and something to attain.

Instead of “Western” as a category these movies need to come under the heading “Fantasy” or “Science fiction.”

I am not independent. I never have been, or at this point desire that fantasy and delusion. We are individuals for sure, but are all a part of the weave of life. Everything around me supports me. If I pay attention to my food supply alone it becomes very apparent I’m not living on a farm and growing/raising my own supplies. How independent am I? When I want water I turn on a tap. There are lots of places on this planet where drinking water is rare and if you want water its a couple miles journey on foot if you are fortunate enough to own a container. I know that from experience.

I think what prevents me from asking someone for what I need is often, if not entirely, connected to the idea that I must be independent. It stands to reason that if I’m asking for assistance then I’m not independent and that translates into weak and vulnerable. The fear of being judged that way keeps me from asking.

Except I’m not independent to begin with. It’s only the fantasy of being independent that keeps from asking, not the reality of dependence. We are all dependent.

Perhaps it’s time to start seeing that dependency doesn’t mean I am somehow “lesser than” or deficient in some way. It means I’m human, all humans are dependent and have needs that they cannot supply alone.

Who knows, perhaps the next time I need help and assistance I’ll remember this post, accept I have needs, have whatever feelings may rise and realize that’s just conditioning, smile, and ASK!

Take care of you and all you love,

Bryan

4 thoughts on ““Asking for what I need”

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  1. A friend who is coping with the recent death of a zen buddhist friend of hers, mentioned Indra’s net to me, which I had heard of but not in detail. She is finding the concept comforting because the zen friend used to talk about it. But I thought of it as I was reading your post, Bryan, when you say ‘Everything around me supports me’, for which there is a practical kind of support and a spiritual one. (Love the gunslinger analogy for the image of apparent die hard independence!)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you my friend. It feels like I am always supported but that could be my own comforting story! The only proof I have of that is looking at my past and seeing that somehow, no matter what I may have thought at the time, every thing seems tied together. I wish I could explain it better. Thank you so much for your insightful sharing!

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