Will I absorb and be absorbed in the moment so deeply that there is nothing left and no need to recreate or reform what is happening?
Twice a month I’m involved in a process called InterPlay. I gather with a group of like minded people and we improvise, dance, play with sounds and words, and in general spend a lot of time laughing and delving into the mystery of living. It’s a little like a very purposeful play date for adults that has minimal amounts of direction. It’s really mostly improvisational and gives me a chance to practice experiencing spontaneity.
What I love about it is we are constantly improvising while at the same time we are learning to let go of that inner authority. That thought voice that use judgement, evaluation, and comparison, to keep us from being able to engage and respond with spontaneous action.
It feels as though it is a spotlight that shines on Conditioned personality and lights it up for what it is, a container or box. Playing with others has certainly given me the gift of experiencing and yet pushing through the fear of being thought of as weird by self and others. I am able to be spontaneous in the moment despite feelings that I “should” be embarrassed or “should” know how to do something new that I’ve never done before. Another way to say that is I am able to perform despite having performance anxiety. InterPlay is an amazing life supporting system.
We live life in transience. Everything is changing all the time. The only way to embrace that reality is to constantly be ready to improvise and engage with what’s directly in front of us. The future can be defined as that which we can’t know. We can take our best guess but we never know. Hence the value of being able to be spontaneous despite whatever life may be offering. Our Conditioned personality avoids improvisation. It want’s to know how to act and respond to everything that happens. And, respond correctly.
Which is why we have anxiety because there is no way to know what will happen next and yet ego demands that somehow we respond as if we know. That defines the phrase “I or you should have known better!” How could I know something that I don’t know yet? (Sometimes I think people mean, “You know better” which is entirely different and may or not be truthful.
I think lots of people are trying to get to a place where they can operate without being self conscious, afraid, anxious, and without the mind running in the confusion mode. I tried that for a while and it never worked. I was trying to find a place where I would be engaged without all those dynamics.
What I discovered was, if I am willing to take action, I find a place where I can be spontaneous, despite still having those feelings. I mean after a while maybe all those ego defense mechanisms will disappear. But, actually I no longer care. I’m happy to have them while being spontaneous. I don’t think we get rid of anything in our heads, I think we recognize if for what it is, redirect our attention, and proceed full steam ahead. Feelings always come and go, it’s the attention to feelings that gives them juice and makes them seem to last forever.
I love using the body/mind to play and be spontaneous with others who are willing to play and be supportive of all we create. I’m always looking for more options so if you happen to know of any please share.
May you and all you love be well,