I know at times, during whatever happens to be happening, I am not here to be fully aware of the experience and that is because I am trying to get to a future point in time. I call this the “I can get through anything because it is time limited” way of living. Letting life pass by purposefully.
In other words, it’s the “If I can stand it long enough, I can survive it” method of experiencing the now. I am actually trying to live “past” the event into a future moment when the event is no longer viable. Later I can take the stored event that I wasn’t really here to experience and play it back any way I want to.
Unfortunately, I am then experiencing the event after editing the event that I wasn’t really conscious of in the first place. That pretty much sucks.
I am encountering some clarity and resistance to this mode. I have become aware of how much of my entire life has been existing in the “Get through this” frame. Sometimes I totally disappear when I’m waiting in line. Doesn’t matter where, it’s like my brain shuts off.
It’s as though there was that thing inside that decided the very fabric of “Now” isn’t good enough to experience and that it would simply wait until that time appeared that seemed worth living. Which is basically saying I wanted to be present only in the times I approved.
In exploring this I also realized that when I was in the music industry, post chemical addiction phase, I remember playing entire evens in the mode of “just getting through this.” It’s like part of me was in denial that I was suffering. There I was, a part proclaiming that being a musician was the greatest thing ever, and another part could hardly wait for the night to end. (For what it’s worth I don’t think there is more than one of me, it’s the same mind in different reference frames. Easy to see it as fragmented. It’s not.)
So this brings me to the point, if we want to diminish suffering that is occurring we have to be here to recognize it. I know this sounds like a common sense awareness but I am amazed at how strong the denial to the state of suffering can be.
My Buddhist and Taoist friends would say start a meditation practice, awareness practice, or one of the many “practices” that support attention. I think that’s all good but my encouragement is to start taking a few minutes a day, take some deep breaths, and examine where you are in the depths of reality. I’m not sure this requires any long term meditation practice as much as concern, compassion, and caring about taking care of you. Take five minutes, several times a day, and nurture you.
Stop, Breath, and see if you can slow that mind. Oxygen helps in that arena. A friend of mine from Sri Lanka would often say “Mind like honey” as a reminder to change the “viscosity” of thought. It’s the aware action of intentionally slowing down life and mind. It works for me. I have adapted this into moments during the day.
Suffering can be manifested as something as simple as thirst. We become dehydrated and aren’t aware. Amazing. So we aren’t necessarily looking for the woe is me suffering, we are looking to improve the quality of our lives by reducing even the small sufferings that are so prevalent around us.
Mind like honey.
I like that.
Love to all the fellow bloggers and those who strive to lead an engaged life.